I hate holidays

I hate holidays. As a pragmatic, organized (although some would argue about that), and somewhat compulsive person, I find most holidays major interruptions to an otherwise pleasing, semi-busy schedule which I devised myself for the most part. There's only one holiday I don't detest and that one I like merely because I can eat smoked turkey - a lot of smoked turkey.

Let's begin at the start of the year: New Years. For Pete's sake, it's just another year! Why all the fuss! At least keep the mail running. And all those fireworks going off at midnight? Mercy, sounds like World War II all over again. Of course, I wouldn't know; I'm not quite that old.

Then there's Valentine's Day. At least the mail runs on that day, but all those simpering, lovey, dovey cards sent to people with whom, when it comes right down to it, we'd rather not have any contact! I remember, when I was in grade school, I'd try to pick out the most applicable valentine for each of my fellow students. I tried not to give a gushy one to a boy and tried my hardest not to give something to a girl that I would have to live down for the remainder of my life. One time I goofed and gave an I-love-you one to a boy and was so embarrassed when he passed it around amidst snickers and giggles from the rest of the class. I hate Valentine's Day. I mean really, it's a day celebrating the martyrdom of some saint, isn't it?

St. Patrick's Day. For cryin' out loud. How many times was I pinched in school because I forgot to wear green. The amount of Irish in me can be measured with a quarter teaspoon so what's the big deal and how would anyone know that anyway. And who cares?!

Memorial Day. Come on, those people are dead! And, yes, it's good to thank our vets for their service, but do we have to stop the mail for it?

Then, there's Independence Day, the Fourth of July, Fireworks Day, whatever they call it now. Granted, I'm glad we're not under the British flag or anyone else's for that matter, but do we have to shoot fireworks to celebrate it? They're loud; they stink; they make the animals crazy; and they can injure people in a matter of mini-seconds. Besides some of the vets can't stand them because the stinkin' things remind them of getting shot at.

Labor Day. Come on, let's celebrate working by working. That's not complicated. And at least keep the mail running.

If there's one holiday I hate the most, it's Halloween. Historically that day has evil written all over it. And the way people act on Halloween proves my point. Begging for candy, tipping over outhouses (okay, that was a while back), and making complete fools out of themselves with those crazy getups they wear. What are they thinking? One of our local schools actually closes for Halloween; that can't be good.

Christmas. Of all the holidays, that one has to be the most messed up. Jesus wasn't even born that time of year. People going into debt for 6 months or even more because they want to give everyone the right, expensive stuff. Credit cards maxed out. The same abominable songs played every, single year everywhere: restaurants, TV, super markets, malls, even outside! Is there no relief? Trees being cut down just to die in people's living rooms - and a horrendous death it is. Draped with junk and lights, drying up before their time, pining for the great outdoors (was that a pun?) And worst of all, the mail stops running.

Now, you may have noticed I left out Thanksgiving. I did that on purpose because I like Thanksgiving. No responsibilities, plenty of good food, and a little bit of ancestral history thrown in. Smoked turkey, candied yams, cranberries, mashed potatoes and gravy, black olives, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, chocolate pie - you name it. What's not to like about Thanksgiving?

Nothing, except the mail doesn't run.